A Curious Mind

I recently went in for an umbilical hernia repair. A few days before the surgery, a nurse called me to ask a bunch of preparatory questions.

Because this was my first time undergoing sedation, I was curious about the process, so I chatted with the nurse. In the conversation, she mentioned that the first question most people ask when they come out of surgery is "When do we start?" This question emerges because most people do not notice when the sedative kicks in and, consequently, do not know when the surgery really begins.

I have a bit of a phobia related to needles. On the day of the surgery, I was very aware of when the IV was inserted, when the tape was applied, and when the lower-temperature medicine hit my arm. I also noticed the ceiling start to wobble like the surface of water, on which I commented as my last conscious statement.

As I was waking, I blurted out the first burning question that had apparently been on my mind. "Did I have an erection?"

"No" was the calm response from the unflappable nurse, whose facial features I couldn't yet make out.

"Interesting. I had a dream, so I thought I might have been in R.E.M."

"Nope."

In the hundreds of times I have replayed this conversation in my mind since, I have blushed and face-palmed aplenty. Had I been more conscious, I definitely would have worded my question more delicately.

I've also grown curious about what else the nurse has seen and heard as she wakes patients from anesthesia, when they are at their most vulnerable and direct... Thank heaven for HIPAA!

#NoFilter

Ye Olde NSFW English

My wife and I recently watched Anne of Green Gables--part of my penance for making her watch Arrested Development when we were dating, but that's besides the point.

A week later we traveled to visit my parents, a 3.5 hour drive from our house. On the return trip my wife decided that she wanted to listen to Anne of Green Gables. So she downloaded Audible, found the audio book, and, because it was only about $1.50, she downloaded it.

Surprisingly, in the first few chapters, a central character, Marilla, "ejaculates" three times. I raised my eyebrows and glanced meaningfully at my wife--all three times.

Running Late

My work had a morale event recently and we went on a small 3-hour tour around the local lake. It was a fun trip with good food, nice drinks (I had two Italian sodas), a lot of casual discussions, and jovial behavior.

After the event, one of my teammates stopped me and one other team member to have a quick, impromptu meeting to discuss what needed to be done tomorrow. We then resumed walking up the hill, rounded the corner and I noticed the yellow school bus starting to drive away.

I turned to my first team mate and asked, "Are you heading back?" and he replied "I'm going back to my hotel."

I looked at the second and he said "I'm going home. I live around here...Is that your bus?"

"Yes"

"You better run!"

Moving Manners

At work we are preparing to move to a new location. We do this from time to time for various reasons. But in preparation for the move I noticed that there were two tables positioned in the hallway, one upside down on top of the other.

I had walked past these tables several times and noticed that there appeared to be some sort of scratch marks on the underside of the table. Curious person that I am, I decided to investigate to figure out what may have caused that discoloration. Was it the sunlight? The natural coloring of the wood? Some sort of bored painting?

Faux Pas

I recently took a trip to Paris France for a conference. I was worried about being able to get around on my own there, but I found that I could manage pretty well. The people were friendly and courteous and helpful.

Learning the subway system was a bit of a challenge. I was trying to get from the Arch de Triumph to Charles de Gaulle airport via the subway, so I talked with the attendant in the information booth. He told me what to purchase and pointed me at the ATMs next to the booth. So I went over to try and figure the software out.

As I was waiting for an ATM, an English-speaking couple were at the neighboring ATM trying to figure it out and a 14-year-old in street clothes came up to assist them.

He made me nervous. He was too friendly and not dressed like the people in the information booth, and he did not look like he was trying to get to a particular destination himself.

Losing It

Some people left their hearts in San Francisco. I left my shoes in Paris, France.

Dialing Dyslexia

I'm preparing to give a presentation at a large computer science conference. As part of these preparations, I needed to call a support line to confirm my membership with this particular professional organization.

So I picked up my phone and dialed their support number.