Costco Condiments

I walk back from the soda machines with two root beers and set them down next to our other food. My wife then says to me, "Do you want to take out your hotdog...?"

I cut her off. "So I can condomize it?" My wife's eyes widen. "Er, cond-i-ment-ize it?

"Yeah, so you can condomize it." She chuckles. "That's right up there with your 'banana hammock' story."

And I thought I was doing so well...

What is that Wonderful New Scent You've Discovered?

I emerged from the bathroom after trying out a new flavor of Listerine and sat down next to my wife.

She promptly asked, ”Did you put on Bengay?”

I responded, a little incredulously, ”I used that new Listerine.”

She then, matter-of-factly stated, ”No kisses for you. Your mouth smells like Bengay.”

Note to self: no more listerine.