Moonshine Missteps

October 11, 2010. Evening. I was running a few minutes late, briskly walking down the sidewalk to a nearby building where my beautiful wife was waiting for me so we could carpool home.

While striding down the street, I caught a glimpse of a guy hopping out of the brushes and onto the sidewalk. He then stared off into the distance at what I thought was a car. Then he pointed, with a big grin, and said, “Did you see the eclipse? It’s awesome!”

I blinked, turned, noticed the moon, and said, “No it isn’t.” Richard, you killjoy.

Hammocks Are For Fruit?

When my wife and I were still single and “weren’t dating” I went with her parents to go see some plays down at the Shakespeare festival in Cedar City. While there we took a day trip to St. George to meet up with my wife’s uncle and cousin.

My wife’s family was picking up her cousin so that he could come to visit for a few weeks.

Before arriving, my wife warned me that her uncle was a bit rough, and would probably have some “blue language.” Thankfully I can usually handle that kind of language.

Hick Humor

In my previous blog post, I mentioned that I have a tendency to keep my mouth shut and allow people to think me pure. But occasionally I open my mouth and remove all doubt.

About 10 years ago I got a job working in the back room of a phone card manufacturer. I helped package large bundles of phone cards that were shipped all around the country. I also had a couple coworkers who similarly packaged up phone cards.

Silence is Golden

I am typically a quiet person. I am an extrovert, so I like being in conversations with groups of people. But, I generally steer clear of controversial or sexual statements. As a result, people believe that I just cannot think in such “low brow” terms.

However, once in a while, I surprise myself and others with the kinds of things that come out of my mouth. I have a knack for picking just the wrong thing to say at just the right time.

My High School Harem

In my junior year of high school, I asked a good friend of mine, “Tammy,” to the homecoming dance.

As homecoming approached, I coordinated with several of my friends to do a group dinner. We settled on a murder mystery dinner hosted by one of the girls.

Several couples attended the dinner, and we had a blast. I quickly was exposed as not the murderer, but I still enjoyed watching the interplay and creativity of the party attendees.

Loose Lips…

My wife (fiancé at the time) regularly teases me about my “duty.” It’s my duty to open car doors, pay for dinner, kiss her, and some day, change dirty diapers. And I’m all about doing my duty.

Indian Burns

While my wife and I we were “hanging out” (i.e. “not dating”), we went out to eat at several restaurants. About a month or two before we got engaged, I recommended that we go to an Indian restaurant on Center Street in Provo. I’d been to that restaurant several times before--with my boss and coworkers, with my siblings, or on dates. “We’ve been there before” I insisted, while she insisted “No we haven’t.”