Like Butter

On Saturday I decided to unpack the speakers for my computer. I found the box they were in, but it was taped up. To open the box I needed a sharp implement. Because I had lost my pocket knife to the TSA, I grabbed the nearest such item in the room: a butter knife.

As I attempted to open the box, the knife just wouldn’t cut the tape.

I thought these things were serrated.

Inspection of the blade revealed that it wasn’t. (Looking in the utensil drawer later, it turns out half of our matching sets of butter knifes are serrated and the other half are not. Weird.)

Missing Memories

Recently, at the airport, I was in the screening line. I had half walked through the metal detector when I notice that I forgotten to take my watch off. I sheepishly took it off and held it up to the screener and he waved me through anyway.

I was on my way over to the conveyor belt to wait for my personal items when a different agent waved me over, held up my keychain, and asked,

“Is this yours?”

Embarassing Purchases

There are many things I love about my phone. It has a data plan, lots of apps, and a really cool keyboard that allows me to type up messages faster than ever.

But I also find that I hate my phone. People ask why I hate it, and with so many things I don't like about it (largely because I am trained to notice the things I hate) I find myself stumbling as to what to tell them. So I decided to find the key reason I dislike my phone so I can have it on hand whenever someone asks. And the key reason is:

Pursed Lips

My wife and I walk to the car and I go to open the door for her.

Because I need her to unlock the door so that I can open it, I pause and say, "You have the purse."

"No I don't. You do."

Sure enough. I had placed it under my arm as we walked out the door.

What's worse is that I knew I had the purse just as I finished stating that she had it.

Ancient Aztecs

One benefit of being slightly older than my peers in school is my age gets me a few extra perks. For instance, when I traveled out of state with two colleagues and we rented a car, I was the only one who could drive it; I was 25, everyone else was 24 or younger, and they would have had to pay more for insurance.

Woo hoo!

The car rental place even upgraded our car to a Pontiac Aztec, for free! And because I was using a platinum credit card, I didn’t have to pay extra for the insurance. Things are looking up!

Tipped Off

I recently bought Billy Joel’s best-of album. I love it. I’ve heard some of these songs before, but now I have a much wider array of his work.

One of my favorite songs of his is “Piano Man.” It’s a classic I’ve heard before, and have enjoyed it—Although, because of Weird Al, any time this song comes up I find myself mentally substituting parody phrases.

While I work I set my music player to just play random songs. I usually don’t pay much attention to what is actually played. I often can’t understand the lyrics anyway.

Bathroom Cleaning

So, I’m not the only one.

Lindsay had an extremely awkward conversation with her neighbor. Apparently, the fogged windows in her bathroom--which she relied on to keep privacy in their bathroom by blurring light passing through them--actually worked the other way; it blurred light coming into the room.

And her neighbor noticed.

He husband went to stand in the bathroom shower (clothed) while Lindsay walked outside to look in, and sure enough he was crystal clear, but only from about the waist up, which is only somewhat bad. From her husband's view, she was just a smudge